Why aren't you a Trump supporter?

I don’t hide in my hotel room while everybody else keeps the appointed time and place because my hair might get wet

I know who the president of Turkey really is

I understand that when you lose an election you step the fuck aside and take it like a man rather than invade the Capitol while your loss is being made official just because you’re a fucking snowflake WIMP

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I can count

I understand historical events enough to know there were no airports in the eighteenth century, that Canada didn’t burn the White House half a century before it existed and that World War Two already happened

I don’t buy bullshit

Why do liberals think it is okay to steal votes while the rest of us obey the law(s)?

It’s uncool to lurk around teenage girls’ dressing rooms

I don’t believe in asking the people of Iowa “how stupid are the people of Iowa”

I don’t believe Nazis, Klan klowns and white supremacists chanting “Jews will not replace us” comprise “very fine people”

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I know the difference between “give me your tired, your poor” and “they’re poisoning our blood”

I know there’s no such thing as invisible planes

I don’t believe that Saudi Arabia and Russia “will vedoop bedeep uhhhh”

Why do liberals and Democrats think it’s “ironic” for Donald Trump to say “We have to get back to law and order”?

I know that sounds DO NOT cause cancer.

I don’t call Tim Cook “Tim Apple” and if I do I don’t deny what’s right there on the videotape because I’m too much of a fucking WIMP to handle Reality

I understand how hurricane paths work

If a narcissist can't feel remorse, can they ever feel regret for an evil act after going to rehab?

authoritarians can get down on the floor and bite my ass, yesterday

I don’t believe the way to respond to a hurricane is to call a press conference to describe it as “wet from the standpoint of water”, to distribute Play Doh, or to stand at a podium throwing rolls of paper towels as if they were bottles of ketchup

I don’t believe there is a fucking “president of the Virgin Islands”

Do narcissists love their children?

I have an acute aversion to scumbags

Those are a few reasons off the top of my head. How ’bout you?

A real man doesn’t grab women by the p***y

Why do people stop working towards achieving their dreams?

I respect women and don’t respect those who don’t

I understand that you can’t just fucking nuke a hurricane

I know the difference between “George Bush” and “Jeb Bush”

Have you ever had sex with sisters?

When I go Greenland shopping and Denmark says no I don’t melt down like a fucking WIMP

I know that if I or anyone I know commits a crime we’ll go to the clink

It’s uncool to set up soft porn pics with your own preteen daughter

I vibrated my dogs shock collar while it was eating my other dog’s food and now it won’t eat. How do I fix this problem?

I know that he didn’t run against “Obamna”

I understand geography enough to know that Belgium is not a “beautiful city”, that Paris is not in fucking Germany, that India does share a border with China, that that border is peppered with Bhutan and Nepal, not “Button” and “Nipple”, that time zones exist, that “shithole countries” do not, that “England” and “the UK” are not the same thing, that you cannot build a wall in Colorado to keep out New Mexico, and that the Bronx is not and has never been “a very wonderful place in fucking Germany”

EVEN FUCKING MIKE PENCE understands that

Has anyone ever made you take off your shirt?

When a reporter declines to join me in the rooftops fantasy I don’t go on stage and gyrate to mock his congenital disability

I can read

Let us count the ways. Captain Obvious says:

What are some reasons why some men choose to live alone instead of getting married?

I don’t run and hide from a debate like a fucking WIMP just becuase some moderator asked pointed questions

I respect other cultures and don’t respect those who don’t

I don’t hold serial bankrupters in high regard

What made you recently say to yourself, “Wait. Really?”

I don’t watch or listen to advertising

I have complete contempt for traitorism

I don’t respect shameless hucksters who try to sell a vitamin where you have to mail in your pee

Why am I so unproductive when it's a holiday the next day?

I understand that you can’t inject bleach or light

I’ve never tried to pretend the word would means wouldn’t

I have complete contempt for fraudsters, and even less for repeat ones

I didn’t get out of military service with fucking “bone spurs” that I paid a doctor to write

I see through liars

I don’t buy made-up stories of “thousands and thousands of people dancing on rooftops”

I took the same Oath and took it seriously

I don’t cotton to rapists

If someone works for me, I actually pay them

I know what Nikki Haley’s authority with the National Guard is

I know the difference between Sioux City and Sioux Falls and even Sioux Center

I actually pay taxes

I don’t pretend not to know who David Dooky is just because he can deliver votes

I have a reading level above third grade

I have no sicko desire to control women or have a bizarro hangup with “blood”

I have complete contempt for fakery

I don’t respect a sleazeball who lies about his height just so he can lie about his weight

I have complete contempt for intentional stupidity

Fuck that piece of orange shit, fuck his idiocracy, fuck his sexism, fuck his racism, fuck his religionism, fuck his divisionism, fuck his lying, fuck his orange face paint, fuck his worship of Cult of Ignorance, fuck his Cult, fuck his jingoistic horseshit, fuck his manuipulations, fuck his toddler-age WIMPism, fuck his fucked-up values of ME ME ME and did I mention ME, and fuck him personally with a giant razor sharp dildo that’s been preheated to 204.7° F and built to the dimensions of the Washington Monument. Slowly.